I know we have all heard a lot about bullying. It seems there is always something on the news. Bad things. Kids end up feeling trapped and that no one will listen and then they do some horrible thing. Why is it that a child that is being bullied has to do something big to get people to see what is happening?
For those of you who know my family you know that we have 3 amazing boys and 2 equally amazing girls. I have Jaxon, 17 a Junior in High school; Connor, 15 in 9th grade; Porter, 13 in 7th grade; Emma, 8 in 2nd grade; and finally Maycie, 5 in preschool. One of the things that I have learned as a mother of 5 is that most all kids deal with bulling to some extent. From the little teasing that goes a bit too far all the way to the extremes that we hear about in the news. I have always tried to teach my kids to be the one who will stand up for someone else when they see something happen. I don't know that they do, I hope that they would, but I'm not with them so I can't really say for sure. But I do know that if those kids that can stand up don't we will keep seeing problems. Things will keep going too far and kids will keep having problems that make them feel trapped. It seems that the only way for a kid to get someone to back off is to stand up for themselves in a violent way. For them to "hit" back, quite literally.
Connor has been dealing with bulling, in varying degrees, since 2nd grade. We saw in 5th grade how good a bully could be at making sure teachers and adults don't see it. That it becomes one child's word against another. That the whole, "the second hit is the one that is seen" is SO very true. When he started 7th grade and middle school we found that whole new world to be no nicer to him then it is to any other kid. Middle school is just a cruel place. You add a kid with Asperger's to the mix and it is just a that much worse! We had to move him out of a math class because a teacher just didn't understand the syndrome which made the kids in the class think it was okay to make fun of my son. (Don't even get me started!) We have been able to put together a really great team to help Connor and my husband and I be able to understand the syndrome better. It has helped to have one person as a kind of "team leader" to go to when I have concerns and that can contact me when there is something I need to know. That doesn't mean that overnight things were hunky dory. We have had to adjust things over the last 3 years as he learned new things and strategies. But for the most part I think he has had a pretty positive, or as positive as middle school can be, middle school experience. But it seems that about once a year I get a call and have to go into the school because something has happened.
Yesterday I got a phone call from a vice principle asking me to come to the school. Connor was being suspended for fighting. WHAT?! My Connor? At this point I have no idea what has happened and so I'm bouncing between wanting to throttle my son for fighting and keeping the mother bear in check so I don't find and beat the other kid. So when I got there and heard what happened it becomes that much harder to keep the mother bear in check. In gym class a kid was giving Connor crap and teasing him, and not just a little. He told the kid to stop, he didn't. He told the kid to stop again, and he still didn't. So Connor hit him, the kid pushed him away and Connor hit him again. I have to say that I know my son is not blameless in this. He had others things he could have done without hitting him. He should not have hit him multiple times. But the more that I have thought about this the more I have wondered, what could he have done that didn't involve fighting AND would have gotten this kid to actually back off and leave him alone. Because some of the things that I have learned is that 1) the kid did it in gym because he knew he could get away with it easier and 2) is telling the teacher would have put Connor in a place to be accountable without anything happening to the other kid. Even if the teacher talks to this kid about "not bulling" the kid isn't going to stop. He will just be more careful to make sure he doesn't get caught. So I'll be honest that I'm not really mad at Connor for standing up for himself. I've run it through my head a million times and the only thing I can come up with is, what if someone else had stood up and told the kid to stop? What if Connor knew that there was someone there to back him up? What if he had support? I know that standing up to a bully is hard, REALLY HARD! But wouldn't it be easier if more kids did it? Because then they would know that when they stand up they wouldn't be standing up alone.
As I talked with the vice principle and tried, as well as I could through the buckets of tears, to explain some of what we had been through with bullying most of Connor's school experience I felt a little like he was trying to tell me that Connor brought it on himself. Now, I do understand that Connor does things that other people see as strange. I see some things as strange! But I would dare say that on any given day we come across someone that does things differently then we do, that we might think they are strange or weird for doing things the way they do them. That doesn't mean that we have the right to be mean to them. I would also say that if we take the time to get to know that person that we would find them to be a pretty great person, even if they do things in a different way then we do. I shouldn't have to ask my son to change who he is into the "mold" so that people will stop making fun of him and bullying him. I want him to know who he is and be comfortable with that. I want him to know that being who he is a pretty great thing to be. I can do my best to teach him that. To do his best to let what other say roll off and let it go, to not let all that in.
This youtube video is a great example of that. I hope that we can all be more willing to look inside to the real person and not just the strange things we see on the outside.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Kidney Stones!!!
Jaxon decided that we needed an exciting start to the new year. So on January 7 at 5:30am I get a call on my cell phone. I have a special ring tone set for the boys so I knew from the ring that it was one of them...which is not a good thing when you know they are all home. I answered the phone to hear Jaxon on the other end screaming in pain. I got down to his room and just wasn't sure what to do or how to help him. I have never seen him in this kind of pain before. I had a hard time even thinking, it was 5:30 in the morning! We put a heat pack on his back where the pain was and Jeron gave him a blessing. He seemed to be doing better so Jeron and I went back up stairs. About an hour later it was time to get up for scripture study and to get the day going. He was still in pain but seemed to be doing better. Until scripture study was over and then it got worse...a lot worse. We decided that I should take him to Insta Care. The more he described the pain and other symptoms he was having the more I thought of kidney stones.
I got him to Insta Care and they also thought kidney stones. The nurse there thought they would want to do test that they weren't able to do there so she recommended that we go to the ER. So we left Insta Care and headed over to Riverton ER. Things started getting better from there. They did an X-Ray and a sample. By the time we were getting test results back his pain was gone. I mean gone gone, all the way gone! I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking, "Were we really up at 5:30 this morning with him screaming?!"
The amazing thing is the pain has not come back. He went to school after we got home from the hospital and then went to conditioning for Lacrosse that night. He is really hoping that it NEVER happens again. At least if it does we'll know what is happening.
It was a very long day! But to let you know what a great kid my son is, as we were driving to Insta Care Jaxon turns to me and says, "I'm sorry mom. I know this isn't what you had planed for today." No it wasn't, but there was nothing else I would rather have been doing. Worst part: I kept laughing to deal with not being able to help him with the pain. Best part: A sister who was willing to drive out to Riverton hospital to pick up Maycie and kept her until she had to go to work so that she didn't have to sit at the hospital and a mom who, even though she had surgery less then a month ago, kept her after Meg had to go to work.
I got him to Insta Care and they also thought kidney stones. The nurse there thought they would want to do test that they weren't able to do there so she recommended that we go to the ER. So we left Insta Care and headed over to Riverton ER. Things started getting better from there. They did an X-Ray and a sample. By the time we were getting test results back his pain was gone. I mean gone gone, all the way gone! I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking, "Were we really up at 5:30 this morning with him screaming?!"
The amazing thing is the pain has not come back. He went to school after we got home from the hospital and then went to conditioning for Lacrosse that night. He is really hoping that it NEVER happens again. At least if it does we'll know what is happening.
It was a very long day! But to let you know what a great kid my son is, as we were driving to Insta Care Jaxon turns to me and says, "I'm sorry mom. I know this isn't what you had planed for today." No it wasn't, but there was nothing else I would rather have been doing. Worst part: I kept laughing to deal with not being able to help him with the pain. Best part: A sister who was willing to drive out to Riverton hospital to pick up Maycie and kept her until she had to go to work so that she didn't have to sit at the hospital and a mom who, even though she had surgery less then a month ago, kept her after Meg had to go to work.
Jaxon - 20013
As the oldest Jaxon has quickly come to understand that there are many good and bad things that come with this. With great power comes great responsibility!
Jaxon took his first Chemistry class which completed his last science credit for high school! It was a huge chunk of his summer, Monday through Thursday 8am to 4pm for the whole month of June and first part of July. I thought he was crazy but now it is what I will encourage the rest of the kids to do. He actually enjoyed it. Right as the class was coming to an end he got his first job interview and then got the phone call to tell him he had gotten his first job! He works at Macey's Grocery store and he doesn't necessarily love the job, he does love the pay check! The job isn't that bad, and because of that job he got to go to his first Homecoming dance. He is a preschool teacher for the first time. At first he was thinking it would be just for this year, now he is thinking that doing it again his Sr. year might not be such a bad idea! And having Maycie is pretty fun! He did Cross Country for the first time and really enjoyed it. It didn't hurt that he has quite a few friends on the team. He had a bit of a different season then Connor did. Long drawn out story but he was not able to run in the last few races and so was not able to letter. =( For the first time he was asked by 2 girls to one dance. He went with the one that asked him first and then took the other to the Winter Waltz, a new guys choice dance this year. He went to Disney Land for the first time and got to run a race in California, beating Connor by only a couple of minutes! We are starting to come to the point of more lasts then first with Jaxon. He leaned over to me on Mothers Day and said, "I only have one more Mothers Day left with you." What?! Thank you so much son, for reminding me that we are getting so very close to you leaving me! I don't like thinking about the lasts coming, but I do enjoy seeing him so excited to do what the Lord wants him to do. It will start a whole new set of firsts. Hard firsts but amazing and wonderful firsts!
Jaxon is not perfect, but I don't think that I could ask for a better son! When there are things that we need to talk about we can. When there are things that we don't agree on he does a good job looking at things from our perspective to see where we are coming from. I could not ask for a better example to his younger brothers and sisters. I have to remind myself often that the "problems" we have with Jaxon aren't really "problems" at all! And then turn around and find the balance of still teaching him and not letting him get away with too much! ;) Teenagers are hard, not because they are hard but making sure they have what they need to get through this life is hard! I'm thankful that my first go round is taking is easy on me!
Jaxon took his first Chemistry class which completed his last science credit for high school! It was a huge chunk of his summer, Monday through Thursday 8am to 4pm for the whole month of June and first part of July. I thought he was crazy but now it is what I will encourage the rest of the kids to do. He actually enjoyed it. Right as the class was coming to an end he got his first job interview and then got the phone call to tell him he had gotten his first job! He works at Macey's Grocery store and he doesn't necessarily love the job, he does love the pay check! The job isn't that bad, and because of that job he got to go to his first Homecoming dance. He is a preschool teacher for the first time. At first he was thinking it would be just for this year, now he is thinking that doing it again his Sr. year might not be such a bad idea! And having Maycie is pretty fun! He did Cross Country for the first time and really enjoyed it. It didn't hurt that he has quite a few friends on the team. He had a bit of a different season then Connor did. Long drawn out story but he was not able to run in the last few races and so was not able to letter. =( For the first time he was asked by 2 girls to one dance. He went with the one that asked him first and then took the other to the Winter Waltz, a new guys choice dance this year. He went to Disney Land for the first time and got to run a race in California, beating Connor by only a couple of minutes! We are starting to come to the point of more lasts then first with Jaxon. He leaned over to me on Mothers Day and said, "I only have one more Mothers Day left with you." What?! Thank you so much son, for reminding me that we are getting so very close to you leaving me! I don't like thinking about the lasts coming, but I do enjoy seeing him so excited to do what the Lord wants him to do. It will start a whole new set of firsts. Hard firsts but amazing and wonderful firsts!
Jaxon is not perfect, but I don't think that I could ask for a better son! When there are things that we need to talk about we can. When there are things that we don't agree on he does a good job looking at things from our perspective to see where we are coming from. I could not ask for a better example to his younger brothers and sisters. I have to remind myself often that the "problems" we have with Jaxon aren't really "problems" at all! And then turn around and find the balance of still teaching him and not letting him get away with too much! ;) Teenagers are hard, not because they are hard but making sure they have what they need to get through this life is hard! I'm thankful that my first go round is taking is easy on me!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Connor - 2013
It has been a fun and a stretching time for Connor and his mom and dad this year. He is definitely a teenager doing his best to figure himself out! And one of the great things about Connor is that he doesn't ever give up...he is going to figure this out! And is doing a pretty good job at it too.
One of the things that I have noticed as my kids get older is that they have as many lasts as they do firsts. This is Connor's last year in middle school. So that means he can do high school sports. So it was Connor's first year running Cross Country for West Jordan High. His first race took him 44 min to run (just so you know, that is not a good time) and his last race took him 22 min. Can I just say WOW! One proud mom! The beginning of 2013 was the last of Connor's time as a Deacon and so in March it was the first of his time as a Teacher. He went to his first Region Dance. He got to go to one last Scout Camp with the Deacons and got to go on his first High Adventure Camp with the Teachers and Priests. His braces first went on in July. He got to go to Disney Land for the first time. That was a first that mom was totally bummed to miss! He is still shorter then his dad but has a longer inseam (sorry, I wasn't sure how to put that into first and last =) He has learned to play his first musical instrument and is totally loving playing the clarinet. He is enjoying his last year in middle school and is getting excited about his first year in high school.
One of the things about Connor is he has taught me to really think things through. He will come at things from such a different direction and it will always amaze me at what his brain is capable of. He helps me remember that there is always a different way to go about things. So if one doesn't work, try something else! Never give up!
One of the things that I have noticed as my kids get older is that they have as many lasts as they do firsts. This is Connor's last year in middle school. So that means he can do high school sports. So it was Connor's first year running Cross Country for West Jordan High. His first race took him 44 min to run (just so you know, that is not a good time) and his last race took him 22 min. Can I just say WOW! One proud mom! The beginning of 2013 was the last of Connor's time as a Deacon and so in March it was the first of his time as a Teacher. He went to his first Region Dance. He got to go to one last Scout Camp with the Deacons and got to go on his first High Adventure Camp with the Teachers and Priests. His braces first went on in July. He got to go to Disney Land for the first time. That was a first that mom was totally bummed to miss! He is still shorter then his dad but has a longer inseam (sorry, I wasn't sure how to put that into first and last =) He has learned to play his first musical instrument and is totally loving playing the clarinet. He is enjoying his last year in middle school and is getting excited about his first year in high school.
One of the things about Connor is he has taught me to really think things through. He will come at things from such a different direction and it will always amaze me at what his brain is capable of. He helps me remember that there is always a different way to go about things. So if one doesn't work, try something else! Never give up!
Porter - 2013
Porter likes to tell people that he is the true middle child. Which is true, he is smack dab in the middle. And although he likes to complain about it, I think he handles is just great! He is a helpful, thoughtful kid who will go out of his way to help anyone in need.
Porter had his fair share of firsts and last this year. I was actually a little surprised at how many. He scored his first goal in Lacrosse. He played football after taking a season off, and is thinking next year he may try something different. Could it be his last season?! No one knows, not even Porter! He had his last year in elementary school and started his first year in middle school. He turned 13 and in our family that means a cell phone! A first he has been trying to get since he was about 11! He got his first BB gun and has to wear eye protection to ensure that he DOES NOT SHOOT HIS EYE OUT! =) He was the first one to go out and rake pine needles and the last one to come in. He ran his first mile without a coach yelling at him and has been running a mile 5 days a week for the last 2 months pretty consistently. I hope we don't see the "last" one on that for a while! He is a very helpful kid and doesn't even want something, MOST of the time! He keeps me laughing and always has a joke ready. He helps me remember to always keep things in perspective.
Porter had his fair share of firsts and last this year. I was actually a little surprised at how many. He scored his first goal in Lacrosse. He played football after taking a season off, and is thinking next year he may try something different. Could it be his last season?! No one knows, not even Porter! He had his last year in elementary school and started his first year in middle school. He turned 13 and in our family that means a cell phone! A first he has been trying to get since he was about 11! He got his first BB gun and has to wear eye protection to ensure that he DOES NOT SHOOT HIS EYE OUT! =) He was the first one to go out and rake pine needles and the last one to come in. He ran his first mile without a coach yelling at him and has been running a mile 5 days a week for the last 2 months pretty consistently. I hope we don't see the "last" one on that for a while! He is a very helpful kid and doesn't even want something, MOST of the time! He keeps me laughing and always has a joke ready. He helps me remember to always keep things in perspective.
Emma - 2013
With a 5 year break ahead of her, Emma likes to think that she is "kind of" like the oldest. She is a great big sister and a pretty good little one too! She is pretty helpful with Maycie and does her best be a good example.
Emma had a number of first herself this year! In January she found out she will get to have braces! Crazy that I have to start her orthodontic work at the age of 7! Luckily we are still waiting for one more tooth to come in before we put the expander in. We'll see if she enjoys it as much as she thinks she will! She got used to going to school all day in First Grade. And then when she started Second Grade she got her first new teacher since Kindergarten! (She was lucky enough to have her Kindergarten teacher move to 1st grade AND to have her again!) And for the first time she has more then one teacher! She has two teachers that are doing job share and she loves it and we love both of her teachers! Emma turned 8 in 2013 and so that came with a whole lot of firsts! Well, firsts and special events! She got to go to her first Activity Days. She loves going and loves her leaders. We got to go do a special photo shoot for her Baptism announcement. We got to go make special Baptism jewelry. Maycie came with us and was so cute and not once did she ask to make anything for herself. It was a good example to me of what a special relationship they have. We got to go shopping for and help Grammy make her baptism dress. And then the special day of her Baptism. That was a good day for mom too. For the first time I had something to do! She got to fast for the first time. This was actually a pretty special experience for both of us. My cousin was having some health problems on his mission and we were fasting for him. I didn't even know that Emma was going to participate with us until we were well into the Fast. Toward the end, she was having a hard time. I remember looking at her and asking her why we were fasting. She looked at me with those big eyes full of tears and she said, "Because I love Sam!" And she didn't say another word after that! Some days I feel like she is 8 going on 12! I'm not ready for her to grow up! But I do have to say I am enjoying the amazing young lady she is growing into! She teaches me so much and helps me be a better person everyday!
Emma had a number of first herself this year! In January she found out she will get to have braces! Crazy that I have to start her orthodontic work at the age of 7! Luckily we are still waiting for one more tooth to come in before we put the expander in. We'll see if she enjoys it as much as she thinks she will! She got used to going to school all day in First Grade. And then when she started Second Grade she got her first new teacher since Kindergarten! (She was lucky enough to have her Kindergarten teacher move to 1st grade AND to have her again!) And for the first time she has more then one teacher! She has two teachers that are doing job share and she loves it and we love both of her teachers! Emma turned 8 in 2013 and so that came with a whole lot of firsts! Well, firsts and special events! She got to go to her first Activity Days. She loves going and loves her leaders. We got to go do a special photo shoot for her Baptism announcement. We got to go make special Baptism jewelry. Maycie came with us and was so cute and not once did she ask to make anything for herself. It was a good example to me of what a special relationship they have. We got to go shopping for and help Grammy make her baptism dress. And then the special day of her Baptism. That was a good day for mom too. For the first time I had something to do! She got to fast for the first time. This was actually a pretty special experience for both of us. My cousin was having some health problems on his mission and we were fasting for him. I didn't even know that Emma was going to participate with us until we were well into the Fast. Toward the end, she was having a hard time. I remember looking at her and asking her why we were fasting. She looked at me with those big eyes full of tears and she said, "Because I love Sam!" And she didn't say another word after that! Some days I feel like she is 8 going on 12! I'm not ready for her to grow up! But I do have to say I am enjoying the amazing young lady she is growing into! She teaches me so much and helps me be a better person everyday!
Maycie - 2013
When you are the baby of the family there are A LOT of things that you get used to being a certain way. One of which would be getting your own way ALL THE TIME! Thanks, at least in part, to her older brothers and sister Maycie is quite used to getting her way a lot of the time. I have to say that I contribute to this as well. It is just easier to bribe her then to listen to the crying, and she knows it! I'd like to think that this is something that is going to change, but I doubt it!
Turning 5 in 2013 Maycie saw a lot of firsts. She adjusted to being home with mom alone all day. She finished her first year of preschool. She learned to write her name all by herself. She does write it backwards. But being left handed explains that, although it took me a minute or two to realize that! She lost her first tooth, and then a second. She meet a new friend, who quickly became her BEST friend. If they went more then 2 days without seeing each other there were major withdrawals! In 2014 she is going to watch that best friend move to Hawaii! She is VERY sad about that. She started her first year of Jr. Jaguar Preschool at West Jordan High. She even gets to have her big brother Jaxon as a teacher! She is quick to tell people that she is the baby of the family. She looks forward to the things that she will get to do in 2014. Mostly Kindergarten. Mommy is still undecided about that one. I am constantly reminded that she is growing up, quickly. She still has the cute little ways of saying things. I am NOT looking forward to the day that goes away. Every day I am thankful that she is a part of our family!
Turning 5 in 2013 Maycie saw a lot of firsts. She adjusted to being home with mom alone all day. She finished her first year of preschool. She learned to write her name all by herself. She does write it backwards. But being left handed explains that, although it took me a minute or two to realize that! She lost her first tooth, and then a second. She meet a new friend, who quickly became her BEST friend. If they went more then 2 days without seeing each other there were major withdrawals! In 2014 she is going to watch that best friend move to Hawaii! She is VERY sad about that. She started her first year of Jr. Jaguar Preschool at West Jordan High. She even gets to have her big brother Jaxon as a teacher! She is quick to tell people that she is the baby of the family. She looks forward to the things that she will get to do in 2014. Mostly Kindergarten. Mommy is still undecided about that one. I am constantly reminded that she is growing up, quickly. She still has the cute little ways of saying things. I am NOT looking forward to the day that goes away. Every day I am thankful that she is a part of our family!
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